WHAT?!

Stressed. Sick. Always facing some new challenge. I am expected to be the best all the time, and not only act it, but be it. Always go for the gold. Always to be first. Always the strongest and smartest. Always to lead. Why lead? Why me? What do I have as a leader, as a person, as a friend, that makes me soooooo special?

Someone that others follow within a matter of days? Why is it people will tell me that they would trust their lives to me? I have done many many wrongs. I am violent fit to bouts of rage and self harming and harming others. I am mentally sick with voices in my head, like real voices, all of them tearing me apart. I am inclined to deep depressions and hard addictions but yet people follow me knowing these facts!! I am told to be the best of a person. I stand on a throne ready to burn it when ever I fancy. When this game I play with all these people is up. When my playthings grow old. Wait...stop.... bad side of me comes out when upset. I let the mad side write. Not right for school. Can't could be in trouble for what it says and wants me to do.

On the outside I am all, smiles and hi and wass ups??!?! And I high five people I go through life and I am cheerful and happy and being the perfect...PERFECT POLITICIAN!!! I am never upset, never hurt, never on the verge of tears from fighting on battle after the other in a sea of wars and mental blood and angst!! One where if I stop to breath and think I get attacked! my defenses were down. Can't let them in for a second, they are wolves they will tear me apart. So I panic I freak. I begin to close down. Not tell my friends whats going on. On the inside I am violent. OHHHHHH soooo violent. I will gladly punch a wall as some ones face.  I have enjoyed fights, I enjoy seeing how much power my mind and body have when focused on one thing.

I am me. I am a politician. I am twisted. I Am. I AM. I aM. I.....I...I........I...I...I.....I...AM WHAT?!?! ANSWER!!!