Just...yeah

Hectic. That is all I have to say about my life. I am flung from one scenario to the next. I am so confused about life and who and what I am. There was a period when I was damned near certain who and what I was. I was always certain. As certain as the sun would rise the next day and the moon would rise at night and the planets moved. But as more and more turmoil entered by my life I became less and less certain. I slowly drifted away from my old core values.

I grew angry at myself and the world. I drifted from respect to hate. I slowly became more and more aggressive about anything. I went from avoiding conflicts to looking for it. I was fed up with people and their bullshit. I wanted war. I craved the feeling of adrenaline from getting people worked up and forcing them into a position of fighting.

I was sick of it. I feel into deep depressions. The longest bout lasting eight months and I on the verge of self harm. I would panic and hurl words at people I did not mean but it got them away. But one day a crashing realization happened. I was forced to grow up. My father decided to leave. I could not afford these things any longer. I tried to grow up but I didn't. I only grew worse. I was fast becoming the person you did not talk to.

I was going along fast on the track of just...yeah. And here comes CJ McCuan. And he grabs me and gives me a face full of reality and I dealt the cards. I realize yes my life sucks but hey you can live through it.