I fall in an endless pit of black. A thing beam of light pinned on my chest. A small prick of a light hole way above my head. I am just falling and falling. Forever it feels like. No sound, just the feeling of cold air brushing past my skin. A cold crawling sensation.

One such thing has grown numb. A heart that was warming is cooling again. It's vicious cycle repeating again.  And again.
Again.
Again.

I continue to fall in the blackness. I can feel the icy hand stretched out. It's hatred and malice thick in the air, content in his position. A smell long forgotten wafts up, the one of angry and being scared. To feel the ice tendrils of fear again... my bones freeze. My sinews and ligaments lock and tighten. The restraints of man are breaking again.

It's coming back. The animal. The beast. The side that will fight for looking the wrong way.
I called it the animal. But IT called itself the truth. I thought I had left it...left that part of me behind. But when you only true connection to the earth is one person and that one person is drifting away on a plank of wood and you don't know how to swim...that connection becomes strained. When it is held together by a string of floss a man can fall oh so fast.

I hear their voice rising now. They...god...they are back, Their voices rising from the deep. Thick and thin. Loud and quite. I hear them them again. "Welcome back!" I can hear their joyous laughter at the return of a brother. Of one long lost to the light. One who's faith is shattering underneath a mountain of scorn and hate. Again.
"Brother why did you abandon us?" This voice I heard once before...it's back. Not him...but his king. My human earthy connection is almost gone. My confident is almost lost, the piece of me that was cold water waking me up from a four year slumber. I cant! I CANT GO BACK! NO I WONT!!! 

I begin to thrash and fight this fall. I scream!!
"WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU PROMISED!! DON'T FAIL ME!! You promised...." My words trail off. I have lost my breath.....yet again. A promise, a covenant is straining, my end of the deal is breaking. The fine print always read as long as I want  the help I shall receive it.

A new anger rises up. Each time.... when I think I have hit bottom a part of me rises. Covered in blood, battered and beaten. Bruises covering my face, hair long and unclean. Eyes bloodshot and wild. He..I walk with a limp in the right leg. His bones creak from the relentless battles. But not broken in spirit.
"Wake up...we aren't done yet." I have not a single clue at where I came from but he walks on. His..I mean my body bathed in light. A eternal fire that was promised to be lit. My fall slows and I stand on ground. A black nothingness passes out in each direction.

Time is no longer existent in this plane. Our footsteps slowly blend into one. My guide walks bent, great sinewy muscles rippling in his shoulders. The world rests on him. A tired but determined strength passes from him. A green and red aura surrounds him, it switches between smooth and welcoming and then powerful and wold bending.

Each step is a massive weight, I had lost my own control. I had lost him...Him, I had lost my faith for a bit. I had fallen into the habit of going through the motions. But I trudge on, a slow shamble. In the distance a rocky path stretches forever into the heavens. I have no clue to how high it is but I can't imagine climbing to the top. But the me in-front of me grabs a hold on a rock just above his head and yanks him self up. His feet plant perfectly into crevices.

"Climb. Or you will bow...again." When I feel years ago, he was the part of me that never stopped. The one who forced me to live life. That part that came screaming awake at the thought of death and suicide. The part that flew off the handle every night of drunkenness. The part that became sick whenever I did the drugs. So of course I follow. This is the leader part of me. The one people follow.

The darkness

Just as a heads up this is a raw thing I am going to tell you. This is....yeah.... just bear with this story. I am not a person who likes to beat around the bush or cover up what I am thinking. But I have to tell a story to get it across. ************


A rotting carcass, flies buzzing, that ever persistent buzzing noise that goes around and around. It's permanent stench hanging in the air so thick you can taste the filth in your mouth. It's rich pungent taste filling up and curdling the stomach.

But the more I look at it, the more my eyes watch it's flesh twitch and shake from the maggots crawling across and inside of it, the more I realize it's a person. Or close to one, it's huge. The thing must be a full head and shoulders taller then me.

A dawning and a realization. It's him... or me depending on who you ask. He haunted my every waking moment for years, the first time when I was five living out in the country. I was out side late at night playing with my dog. When I heard twigs breaking and a tree branch break. Naturally I was scared, but then...this thing walked out of the bushes in my backyard. Pitch black, except for the pure white eyes the glowed in the eternal darkness that was him. Until that moment I had not known what fear was. Not when my other dog had tried ripping my throat out, not when I had watched a grown man try to stab my father. Nothing until I saw it. Of course I ran inside crying like a little whinny baby.

From that point on I saw him in my sleep. Almost always, I barely slept for years. He was always there, a giant, walking through my dreams. So dark was he that in night he was an empty space except for the eyes and smile. The wicked ever curving smile that haunted me where ever I went. Even in broad daylight he would walk out and smile at me. For years that mouth moved and I could not hear him. I could not hear his vile sick twisted evil words. That was... not until I turned thirteen.

Thirteen something changed in me, instead of being far away, he was close. Sometimes I could feel his hand on my back, how his hand would almost curve around my chest. I could feel him sqeeze and push. Then one day... close to christmas I heard him. His voice was like oil and snakes. Black and vile. Cold and hot. He was evil.

"I will take everything you love." Some days it would be that, others. "You will bow to my king one day. You will reject it...but you will." His words which was a small bit quickly grew. He began to voice and say what he would do to my friends and loved ones. How and what he would do. I still have nightmares from what he said he would do to my family.

In my freshmen year his power seemed to jump. He had let me go a year without haunting me, I had let my guard down. For one night at my schools basketball game I saw him. His full size, his thickly corded arms, how he was a demon of fear and strength. Nothing was there to hold him back.

"She's mine soon. HosKing." The pause between the words still haunts me. How he appeared a foot behind my best-friend. That smile and eyes. And later that night... I had gotten home with my mother. She had me run up our walk way to unlock the house. As I got to the house the cool october night turned icy. I felt the wind die and the cold stone of him settle in. I turned my head back to my mom. And there as she walked up to me was him. He made her look like a shrimp. His power made the lights on my street dim. His smile was the widest I had ever seen it.

"You can't stop me boy." I sprinted towards my mom. And all he did was turn and walk away. His steps slow and deliberate. I watched him disappear into nothingness.

For the next few months I could feel him in my house. He would not let me see him, but he was there. Ever walking and pacing out of my view. And then my nightmares grew into night-terrors. I would be asleep but aware of my house, and I would see him hunched over my sisters bed. A laugh and smile from him. See him over my mom and little brother. I would feel him walk around, the new king of my home. How he would walk into my room and tell me vile things. I could feel my soul corrupting. How it was breaking under his constant abuse and torture. I was snapping. My sleep was next to zilch. I didn't let anyone know though. I quickly grew violent. My eyes always bloodshot. I was not alive... just a shadow walking and going through the motions.

He began to sit next to my feet in the night. Laughing and talking to me. That smile always there. Always making my heart freeze in fear for he was fear living. When ever some one says that all you have to fear is fear itself, I am damned sure it's him.

We went like this until the summer between my sophomore and junior years. There I went to a bible camp, the week before that he was in my room, ranting and storming. Screaming at me curses flying from his mouth. I could see the anger and froth coming from his mouth. He wanted to kill me, I could feel the pain tightening in my chest, I thought I was going to explode. But he couldn't kill me. Kept screaming that he wasn't allowed to.

At the camp I feared he would find me alone in the dark. Well there I found Christ and accepted him. And the next time I saw him, he couldn't move. It was strange, for all his physical might, he could not move. Something much larger and more powerful was in the room with me. And the True Him, did not like my demon.

It become close to a year before I saw him again. This time he was at a great distance. His smile not there, but his eyes still shinning. How his shadow made light bend and waver.

I later saw him in a dream. He was doing his best to try and get me again. But I was armed with the power of Christ.

But now I saw a rotting carcass. His eyes still glowing, his smile there.

"You impudent whelp. In all my time... no one has broken my hold." I no longer feel his coldness. I see a sad pathetic being now. "You grew lucky.... but I can still sense the pain and anger... it's there. Under the surface. You are still held taught, close to breaking always. The sorrow of you daddy hating you is still fresh as ever. And always will be. Boy I have become a part of you. No matter what you do I will fester... a sore beneath you skin rotting and growing. You can do your best to ignore me but I am still here."

"I don't have to ignore you. I am facing up to my sins and past. Each and terrible bit of it, the alcohol, the drugs, the lies, the violence. I will face each and every last bit of it. I wont break now."

"Yes you will. Your human..... your a sinner, always have been always will be. Your kind never changes. Thats how wars are started.. HEHE." The power he once had on me is almost gone. I can feel it.

"Boy... I will get you. Don't worry we keep close tabs on your kind. Always and forever. That's my lieges promise."

"Good bye, my you rot in hell."

"HA! I will be waiting." I watch as his rotting body slinks off. I am drained after wards, my dream ends and I wake. I think I have finally beaten him.

One step

"Will he do?"
"His Spiritual Pressure is off the chart."
"But what about his morals?"
"We have to test him."
"He's an Ares and Hades class."
"So."
"They tend to go crazy Zet."
"He is strong."
"Maybe to strong?'

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Dust hung in the air, the heat rose higher and higher, thumping and explosions burned my skin. I felt each razor blade sharp piece of glass slice my skin. It blistered and boiled, black and red. My muscles were stretched to their max. I felt the brokenness in my leg, my bone had shattered, each fragment tearing more and more of my muscles up. The right Achilles tendon was gone. 

"Markus get moving!" His voice snapped me awake. The reddish brown hair streaking past, his black and white oriental ropes flapping in the busy winds. The near permanent sunglasses covering his eyes.
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"GAH!!" Son...wow...third time this week. Sweat glistens to the boys body. Messy black hair drips with sweat, a barrel chest heaving like he had run a mile. His eyes were wide with adrenaline.

"Markus get up for school!!" His moms voice echoed up the star case. Shrill to the ear, he hated hearing he drunken voice each and everyday.

Spiritual Pressure

If you have ever watched or seen an anime or manga they talk about this thing called Spiritual Pressure. Its where you can feel the persons true nature or intent. Even how powerful they truly are. Not like strength but that can be part of it, but mentally and emotionally.

This pressure has lots of feelings. People can be black, red, green, dozens. It can be cold, warm, oily and slick. Even rough. Or scary and frightening. Sometimes nice and welcoming.

Now you guys are like???????? That I am crazy.

I have a reason.

So I am taking the bus now. And today I had another person...in like ten seconds start telling me his life story. How he was in drug court and all these other things. He was talking to me like an old friend. And we talked for twenty minutes. At one of the stops a man just started talking to me.

Now I say that as I tend to attract people with.....well I believe I can feel these powers. These pressures off of people. Now the first guy had a small presence. He did not want to be noticed. The second guy..it was bright and happy. He wanted to make people happy.

Now I say this cause I tend to attract people. Or so I am told. One of my art teachers told me that when I enter a room, even if I am acting small, I become the center of attention and people want me to notice them. So I can't stand in class and paint anymore.

But the people I attract tend to have the rougher feelings, like unsure or anger or hurt. Allot of Hurt and Anger really. I can see the red of theirs, how it's so rough and will grow and shrink. They can't control theirs. How it grows hot when they are agitated and cold when scared.

I often wonder what mine must be...I guess it has to be warm to attract total strangers. And big...I say big because I somehow end up the center of things without trying to. It has to be slightly rougher but mostly clean because of how much self training I have done. And the color...lol you choose.