I fall in an endless pit of black. A thing beam of light pinned on my chest. A small prick of a light hole way above my head. I am just falling and falling. Forever it feels like. No sound, just the feeling of cold air brushing past my skin. A cold crawling sensation.

One such thing has grown numb. A heart that was warming is cooling again. It's vicious cycle repeating again.  And again.
Again.
Again.

I continue to fall in the blackness. I can feel the icy hand stretched out. It's hatred and malice thick in the air, content in his position. A smell long forgotten wafts up, the one of angry and being scared. To feel the ice tendrils of fear again... my bones freeze. My sinews and ligaments lock and tighten. The restraints of man are breaking again.

It's coming back. The animal. The beast. The side that will fight for looking the wrong way.
I called it the animal. But IT called itself the truth. I thought I had left it...left that part of me behind. But when you only true connection to the earth is one person and that one person is drifting away on a plank of wood and you don't know how to swim...that connection becomes strained. When it is held together by a string of floss a man can fall oh so fast.

I hear their voice rising now. They...god...they are back, Their voices rising from the deep. Thick and thin. Loud and quite. I hear them them again. "Welcome back!" I can hear their joyous laughter at the return of a brother. Of one long lost to the light. One who's faith is shattering underneath a mountain of scorn and hate. Again.
"Brother why did you abandon us?" This voice I heard once before...it's back. Not him...but his king. My human earthy connection is almost gone. My confident is almost lost, the piece of me that was cold water waking me up from a four year slumber. I cant! I CANT GO BACK! NO I WONT!!! 

I begin to thrash and fight this fall. I scream!!
"WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU PROMISED!! DON'T FAIL ME!! You promised...." My words trail off. I have lost my breath.....yet again. A promise, a covenant is straining, my end of the deal is breaking. The fine print always read as long as I want  the help I shall receive it.

A new anger rises up. Each time.... when I think I have hit bottom a part of me rises. Covered in blood, battered and beaten. Bruises covering my face, hair long and unclean. Eyes bloodshot and wild. He..I walk with a limp in the right leg. His bones creak from the relentless battles. But not broken in spirit.
"Wake up...we aren't done yet." I have not a single clue at where I came from but he walks on. His..I mean my body bathed in light. A eternal fire that was promised to be lit. My fall slows and I stand on ground. A black nothingness passes out in each direction.

Time is no longer existent in this plane. Our footsteps slowly blend into one. My guide walks bent, great sinewy muscles rippling in his shoulders. The world rests on him. A tired but determined strength passes from him. A green and red aura surrounds him, it switches between smooth and welcoming and then powerful and wold bending.

Each step is a massive weight, I had lost my own control. I had lost him...Him, I had lost my faith for a bit. I had fallen into the habit of going through the motions. But I trudge on, a slow shamble. In the distance a rocky path stretches forever into the heavens. I have no clue to how high it is but I can't imagine climbing to the top. But the me in-front of me grabs a hold on a rock just above his head and yanks him self up. His feet plant perfectly into crevices.

"Climb. Or you will bow...again." When I feel years ago, he was the part of me that never stopped. The one who forced me to live life. That part that came screaming awake at the thought of death and suicide. The part that flew off the handle every night of drunkenness. The part that became sick whenever I did the drugs. So of course I follow. This is the leader part of me. The one people follow.