Christmas?

To feel like a joke is perhaps the worst feeling in the world. The thick frog like feeling in your throat as you want to cry but cant do to always being the strong one. No I lie the feeling of Christmas for me....guys I am trusting you on this one, don't tell anybody. Only like one other person knows in the whole world, but I can't do it, I can't be happy this time of year. I space out and feel like I don't belong and I float from one class to the next not even really there. I don't even enjoy the day, the memories the pain...like for me I can't do it. I cant do this time of year and it shows when I listen to Christmas music or my friends are so excited for it and all I can do is barely function. So yeah I am not so happy around this time of year.